2004-06-06 - 10:11 p.m.

I went to Navy Pier and waited for AM , his wife, 2 adopted kids and a friend to show up for a moviie on the IMAX screen. He lightly tapped my arm, a gesture boys do to each other in greeting.

Everything went smoothly, her and I exchanging casual conversation before the movie started. I sat to their left and noticed a couple times she would shift in her seat and be facing him. I also saw her tap his leg at one scary part in the film. I felt myself twitching in my seat.

I believe I made myself go through with this because I needed to see with my own eyes the relationship that I was weaseling myself into. It hurt to see it. It hurt to see how many people were involed in his other life, how I don't really have a place in it.

The world AM and I have is not real. We close our eyes and there we are together: virtual reality, a matrix, a dream. A place without guilt. This waking life has become so painful

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